January 29, 2000

Inside looking out.  Outside looking in.  I'm here because I have to be.

I wake to hungry faces and elementary school deadlines.  You can't see past the front because neither can they.  Not again.  And so, I remain inside this tunnel.  I assure you the structure is prettier than the core. 

It's followed me here, like the insects, and is equally hard to ignore and eliminate.  My dreams are caving in for them at my own request.

I write the words and spell the reasons and still no one understands.  Misery loves the company of words.  Creative madness.

I cannot dismiss myself for you, and yet, I cannot feel beyond the standards you unwittingly set.  Is it wrong to miss the feelings that started it all?  And if I cannot feel openly and so shut this out completely...tell me the truth...

Am I really alive at all?