november 28, 1998

i was lying on the floor and thinking. never good. i'm wondering just what it is that keeps me here? i'm not happy. i'm not even content. i don't see when i ever will be. all the food in the fridge is spoiled i think and i don't even fucking care. i'll eat taco bell while science carries itself out in my fridge. i sat outside my door today and watched all the pathetic, lifeless people and guess what i was thinking. fuck them all. yes. there are people worse off than you, tiffany. you know what the difference is between me and them? it's that i'm not stupid enough to endure it. "hold on to yourself, for this is gonna hurt like hell." yes. yes it is. yes it does.

i can't believe my own thinking. i can't believe there are chains that hold me here and i, in all my so-called intelligence, can't find the damn key to get off it already. this inertia thing makes me scream in circles.

ever want something in a store window, but the store is closed? or the price tag brings tears to your eyes? ever get so frustrated by it that you consider throwing a rock at the window and getting what you want the "easy" way? yes?

welcome to my life.