January 18, 1999

i have missed you, yes. deeply so.

i can't remember this feeling, yet i know it well. you here with me. waiting for home to happen. dizzy with the rainbows in my head. swirling through my body into outlandish tales of emotions yet to be. i trace the pattern with my hand, eyes, fingertips and tongue. i wish i knew you so well. i wish the silence between us was comfortable and torn. my eyes are light, dreams swift to escape me. i dig for the glass behind my fingernails.

with my touch i have wounded many. don't see me proud. i am jealous with sheltered insanity in my arms. i am a lying angel, proud and kindred to the beast below the surface of these dying thoughts. tell me what you see in my eyes. i cannot entrance my own being to believe it. you frighten me beyond myself. you make me into the shadow i fear. and yet i am happy to find it. feel it. become it. breathe it.

find me in this place i love. i am new all over again.