December 6, 1998

i have a terrible headache but at least last night i slept. not that not sleeping the past week was bad necessarily...oh nevermind. i'm awake now and that's what my point is.

learn to listen to advice more closely. they never only want to be your friend, he said. how right, how right he is. he only forgot to include himself. err. people suck. i hate my "job." i feel like ice cream now. melting, melting like strawberry cheesecake flavor on my hands. how evasive can we be today? sharing the hat perhaps would be okay now. you are beautiful. you are amazing. i don't know why you don't see it. "when you gonna love you as much as i do?" erf. the bird is pissing me off. he's chewing on my earring. he needs your kind of distraction. so do i. i'm wishing i could tell the world, and whispering it to a few select understanders. i love the rain. running wet, stomping puddles, freezing and laughing. scared to death of life and happy as hell to be there. where did that go? gone gone gone. i think with you i'll find it again. yes? yes. dreams are funny things. go look at mine sometime. i think we're all a bit too amused for our own good.

i need a hair cut and blue dye on my hands. i need rings in places that would make my grandmother cry (eyebrow, perhaps?) i need to do something soon that will make it okay to be me. for her. for you. for them. for me. i don't know what i'm saying. neither do you so i guess it all works out in the end, doesn't it. let's pretend we're here for something. better yet, let's just admit what it is we came for. hi. it's me. did you miss me? it's been years and you don't know me anymore. did you ever really? stick around, you might just be surprised at what you find.

hello. i miss you muchly. visit soon. don't tell anyone why you came here just tell me you think i'm amazing still. make me smile. giggle. green with envy, blue with happy.

erf. i'm going to get ice cream.