December 9, 1998

half asleep, half awake. i'm here still.

temporary situation. it'll all work itself out in time, i know.

it's one of many, is the problem.

asleep on the couch warm with your exhale. dreaming it all. how is it you don't fall off it? the pain in my throat is from screaming, not from you. indifference. tolerance. lack of it all.

sounds outside make me tremble. someone take my life away. i'm resting. hiding a while. trying to catch my breath, and dying from the fumes. i want to touch you. like candy cane, pull the wrapper off and satiate. it's heavy in here. dreams like moods, escape me. they were of you. perhaps her too. what do i not need here in this hell?

take me to the place we started from. happy and sure and plenty. i'll wear the clothes on my back, all the rest are dirty still. leave the digging to me. it's better this way. you're in no condition to tell me where my reason lies. sleep.

carry me a happy lie. make this worth my while. pretend you never saw me cry. i hear insecurity's back in style. whisper secrets to eerie ears, he never sang a word. only whistled me the tunes.

the ground is falling. sky rising. i wish i were there with you, above it and below it. blowing like sand. ecstatic like religion. beautiful like you.

laughing at it all.