December 10, 1998

later today... bleeding all over the keyboard has interrupted my thoughts. it wasn't intentional this time. i think i was going to say something like, i heard you over traffic and i'm quite sure it's me too. blackout, where did the road go? err. i miss you. no bloody dreams tonight, no bloody dreams tonight, no bloody dreams tonight, no bloody dreams tonight...goodnight.

earlier today...

waiting.

to understand. to believe. to enjoy. to embrace. to become.

where did i put my face? stop the screaming. i'll fix your name today. i'm going to meet other mice. how comforting to know i'm in good company. i shouldn't go. i'm better at this self-pity thing alone. where did all the markers go? damn.

this is not really happening. you bet your life it is. stop me from going any further than i need to with this. decipher my intentions, but don't go wrong. i'm not dying, i'm just half-way living. there is a difference. glass half empty. half full of you. hello. thank you for trying.

these things you do. why do you do them? let me hold you here. good enough for me. for you. for any given day. i want to smile with you like angels. play in a yard of happy giggles. take my hand and close your eyes and just let go of it all for a while. god knows i needed to when you appeared. did i ever thank you for that? no. thank you. thank you. wasted space is just a twisted term of endearment. wasted you, wasted me, wasted world. it's all indifferent anyway. all spinning regardless. easier to handle with a trembling hand to hold on to. i've given you mine, stop shoving it back in my pockets. the nails hurt and i can't see you when you turn away like that. the distance frightens me when you're standing so fucking close.

just crawl into my pockets for a while. i'll hold your hat while you sleep.