December 20, 1998

i am flying.

somehow i haven't hit the bottom yet. flying, floating, gliding in the air above fire below. what keeps me here? shadows.

i am remembering. nameless, faceless bodies in corners. yelling and wanting. i am all they said i would never become. i am nothing they dreamed i'd love. i am the epitome of their desires, unfounded and bubbling over dead. reality is a funny thing these days. i have much waiting around to do. waiting, restlessly, for you and them and me and everything we pursue with jackets on. blindfolded. spinning. stop. i am walking away with your eyes on my sleeve. don't look under it. smile. i am with you always.

champagne kisses with you here. i miss so much of nothing, i cry. bleed. reckon. i will not die today. christ, what has my mind become? a dungeon of reckless thoughts, thrown about with whimsical nonsense. it's funny how the lights can torture when it's been so dark so long. laugh at me, i'm naked. i'm not wearing underwear. all of it is perfect...when no one sees the lines across my face.

channel the laughter from the uneven spaces in your heart. together we will become what we fear to feel.

alive.