January 23, 1999

save me from the walls, they're caving in.

i bent over the gorge once and thought i saw your reflection in my own. i thought he was you for a while. flying, soaring, kneeling below the fires in our collective heart. i'm trying to believe the winter wasn't that long and terrifying. where did you go after the dangling chapter ended? i missed your freedom.

infants are screaming in my lungs. i long for a touch of aspiration and belonging. what have we here? nine devils and a captain singing in the punch bowl. i need orange juice and egg nog candles and a bath. i want cigarettes and angel wings without rubber bands. i happened to find this place between us. whispers behind the door. in the closet. we are finally dead among our own perfect, blinding pain. i have found the only thing that matters in this existing madness...

shining tears and pillows, overwhelmed by you.